Who’s In Charge Here?

“…it’s important for parents to be parents and to take time for training their children. Mutual respect should be enforced at all times.”

“…provide an environment of mutual respect, kindness, and balanced discipline when it is needed.

You see, behavior is learned.”

(From page 169, Parenting Your Powerful Child, Dr. Kevin Leman)

“Psychologists sometimes categorize parents as being AUTHORATIIVE, AUTHORITARIAN, INDULGENT, or NEGLECTFUL. AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS tend toward the ‘Because I said so!’ response to any questioning of their authority. They’re not necessarily consistent, and they don’t teach their children good behavior by example; they just dictate. INDULGENT PARENTS want their kids to have as much of what they want as possible, so they may not set very firm rules and may be viewed as overly permissive. NEGLECTFUL PARENTS take permissiveness one step further; they just don’t pay attention. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS are consistent, fair, predictable and firm… Kids of AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS, who tend to reason and negotiate with their TEENS, tend to be the most well adjusted of all. It seems that AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS can accept the fact that their rules may be questioned and even broken but know how to respond in ways that don’t lead to their TEENAGERS becoming defiant or hostile as they grow into adulthood.” (All caps mine)

(From page 80, Your Defiant Teen-10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship, Russell A. Barkley, PhD and Arthur L. Robin, PhD)

In Isaiah 1 God calls the people of Israel His CHILDREN. In verse 18 God says to them, “Come, let us reason together” (KJV). In the HCSB He says, “Come let us discuss this”. In the NIV God says, “Come, let us settle this.”

If God is willing to discuss, to reason with, His children, then we parents should be willing to do that also WHEN OUR CHILDREN ARE OLD ENOUGH TO REASON.

(From me and the Bible)

Father Holding Daughter's Hand

“So, you’re the adult here; act like one. Be the parent you need to be. If you don’t understand that basic principle, then life will not go well for you as a parent or for your child, either now or in the future.

When you’re an AUTHORITATIVE PARENT, (caps mine) you realize your role is to be in proper authority over your children….

First John 5:19 says we’re children of God. And though God is the supreme authority he’s not an AUTHORITARIAN (caps mine) who gives out edicts and tells us what we have to do. He gives free choice (which gets us in trouble sometimes). But God also isn’t a PERMISSIVE PARENT (caps mine) who says, “Oh that’s okay. Anything goes.”

(From page 176-177, Parenting Your Powerful Child, Dr. Kevin Leman)

“When your [young] child has done something wrong you need to communicate that fact with the Voice of Authority:”

“Positive reinforcement is an essential part of discipline. You try to steer your child in the direction of the behavior you would like by praise and encouragement, and steer her away from the behavior you don’t like.

The Voice of Authority is low, firm and controlled. The Voice of Approval is the opposite. Many parents instinctively talk to their babies in a high voice. That’s the same tone you should use for praise. A high-pitched, even excitable, tone communicates your pleasure. You can clap, whoop or cheer as well.”

[added by me for clarification]

(From pages 68-69, Supernanny, Jo Frost)

Character, or values, are caught, not taught. (Old adage)

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